Category: Let's talk
What is your first impression when you meet someone? Do you stick with your first impression or do you do give the person the benefit of the doubt, and try to get to know him or her, and see for yourself? What do you consider appropriate and inappropriate when you meet a person? I know that all of us have different standards when we judge someone. I just wander, why do we always fall into a trap wherein we think of the person’s faults before recognizing the person’s good points or better yet why do we find fault in people even though they didn’t do anything to you? There’s no such thing as normal. Everyone has their own evaluation every time they meet, talk, hear about people, or interact with them, and from that, they will make their own judgments about the person. Most of the time, their judgments are based on what they didn’t like about the person instead of what they like about them. There’s always a name for everyone. If you nice, people will step over you, make fun of you, and take advantage of you. If your mean, people will call you either a bitch or an asshole. If your normal and simple, people will call you square or boring. If you read a lot, people will call you a nerd. If your involved with any sport and play it, they call you a jock. If you get a little too crazy for their liking, they will consider you strange, goofy, and random in a negative way. If you laugh too much, they consider you weird, and wouldn’t want to talk with you because they think that you don’t want to listen to them and that you just want to laugh all the time. There’s nothing wrong with being happy, but there’s always something bad to say about some one if you don’t like what their doing or if your jealous of them and insecure about yourself. Of course, everyone has their own view of what they accept as appropriate behavior and what they don’t accept. Its funny sometimes how people tend to say something’s and do the total opposite. Its not surprising how people can be hypocrites sometime when their involved in a situation. Its not surprising to see people using other people for money and favors just to get somewhere. Why are we conditioned in this messed up society to be self centered? Why is it always essier to say something bad about people, insult them, and make fun of them rather than look at some thing positve about them? And, whenever someone tries to give praises and compliments, it always gets perceived as a sign of flirting and an emmidiate conclussion that the person wants you. I don’t know what caused me to post this inquiry. It is not addressed to anyone, I just thought about this out of the blue. I think we need to try to be more open minded and give everyone a chance instead of immediately looking at one thing we don’t like about a person and immediately making our minds not to talk to him or her.
The only way you’ll ever know someone is to spend time with them in person. The long chats on the phone does not qualify as knowing someone. Yes, they can be called virtual friends, but its not the same as people who really know you in person. Yes, sometimes its possible to know a person in a more deeper level just by talking, but you don’t get the sense of who the person is until you get to know him or her in person. What I’m trying to say here addresses everyone including myself about how we are suppose to look at phone chat lines in particular the zone by phone. No one is perfect, and you got your own faults too so if you don’t want to get involve in drama its simple. don’t talk bad about other people if you don’t want them to talk about about you or better yet if you can‘t say something nice just keep it to yourself. You will not accomplish anything by being negative about others. It’s a golden rule but people fail to realize its value because they are too caught up with what they can gossip about other people. Hey, not everyone will submit to your expectations, but try to see it from a different perspective, and besides you got your own set of faults too so don’t even start by saying that your better than others because all of us are just people with good and bad points. It’s a natural trait, people will not say anything if the person is acting accordingly, but what is normal anyway? On the other hand, if they see something wrong with the person, they go for it and talk about the person’s faults. Another thing I want to bring up, why do people get irritated when they see someone happy? It was proven from a research that people will listen to a story if they hear something bad that happened to someone for instance, look at the news on tv everyday. People enjoy the thrill of seeing someone get hurt, not succeeding, and doing the wrong things with their lives. But if its an accomplishment or something good that happened, they will not bother to listen to the person.
Feel free to post your opinions.
goodjob I like it thanks for posting it
Well,
I do not judge people when I first meet them. Yes there are times that I have an empression but I do not judge them despite the fact that I have an empression. I may say that sometimes a person is boring when she/he is not talking much. But I do not judge him/her like he/she is a bad person. I want to laugh a lot so I want to talk to persons who like to laugh. THe only that I do not want is to talk to people who love sex. For me sex is a sacred thing that you don't talk in public. Just ignore those people who are judgemental. They do not know you much. So just laugh at them.
Everyone makes judgements. lol and as for listening to something bad that happened to people, listen to my favorite song by avenue q. lol I won't attempt to spell it. Happiness at the misfortune of others.
I don't judge a person by their first impressions, because they often turn out completely different than they were originally. If I have heard something bad about someone before I meet them, I don't go, "Oh, you're automatically bad because of what I heard from so-and-so." I shove those thoughts aside and focus on their cool points.
I go on, how the person behaves. I don't go on rumours. I find nothing wrong with someone who laughs alot. I think it's a very good quality.
I don't like people who are gudgemental. I don't gudge some body the first time I meat them.
True, its good to laugh about random things or laugh for no reason, be a little crazy sometimes, and enjoy talking to people about different things because laughing helps you relax from a busy day and it also makes you positive about your problems. I would rather laugh and enjoy the conversation than to hear people gossip negatively about others. I would rather talk about pleasant things with people I barely know than to hear endless complains about unnecessary things such as, the next person to flirt with, the next time to get drunk, and the bills that never end. It does not make sense to confide this useless information with strangers you that you will never meet in person. To think that this is just the zone. You may care about the things you want to complain about but other than you, no one does. In my opinion, its more safer to chose the topics to converse with people because most of them are strangers. I know that everyone is free to say and do whatever they please, but there are certain things that are appropriate and inappropriate in different situations. So, its better to just laugh out loud.
I'd like a clearer definition of what's meant by judging exactly. I mean, in the most basic sense, we all make judgments every day, because that's how we make choices and form preferences, and having preferences is not wrong. Are you talking more about just negative criticism of a person merely for not being the same as somebody else, or because they did not make the exact same life choices you did?
We all make judgments. For someone to say they dont' judge at all is the greatest lie they've ever told. I do get first impressions of people, but I am also flexible enough to change them, as I get to know someone better. and yes, I do notice negative things about a person, but I also balance that out with the positive things I know about them. No one is all good, or all bad. Finding both sides of a person is very intriguing to me.
In a survey performed about 3 years ago, which suggests that, within the first 7-20 seconds of meeting a new person, a women have already drawn their conclusions. Men, as usual *ducks* are a bit slower, coming in at an average of 3 minutes.
And yes, i'm guilty of the 20 second rule. I make a judgement very quickly about a person, on first meeting them, and usually, i'm proved right. This is not to say that i hold to this judgement like a barnacle to a rock. If the person surprises me by turning out to be a nice person insteady of the slmy, greasy specimine I labelled them as, then they are just as welcome to be a friend as the next guy. But I think it's wrong to say that you don't make judgements when you meet a person. After all, if you didn't, you'd quite happily walk off with the sinister looking man wielding a knife and eyeing up your wallet!
FM
Yes, I usually judge by first impressions. If they are sincere and have a good moral standing and is quite personal and has time for me then yes. Anything opposite from this is a no.
Why are we
conditioned in this messed up society to be self centered?
It is because the self and the self alone is the most important thing to oneself, and it should be that way.
Why is it always essier to say something bad about people, insult them, and make fun of them
rather than look at some thing positve about them?
That is because this society is now a smelly pool of conformists, and mediocre folks.
whenever someone tries to give praises and compliments, it always gets perceived as a sign of flirting
and an emmidiate conclussion that the person wants you.
That is because most of today’s population is insincere and can’t communicate right.
why do people get irritated when they see someone happy?
It’s either they can’t stand happiness or rather the more common reason, that everyone around them is so fake and insincere about it. It’s not really happiness, but undecisiveness.
I don't usually judge people by my first impression of them. But unfortunately, my first impression of a pperson is usually right.
I will never understand why so many people get irritated when they see happiness and why compliments are taken as flirting. Society is officially screwed over, and down, down, down is where this planet and the human population are headed. Well, that's where we're taking it, anyway.
I don't think there is such a thing as normal and strange. What constitutes them? Unknown. There are just standards we set for ourselves and others. Thus, normal and weird could be considered undefined terms. In my opinion, down and dejected seem to be the norm. But laughing, happy, and outgoing seem to be the better.
I know that everyone has their faults, but I do think some people are better than others. And I'll admit that I am arrogant. Not a nice word to use to describe oneself, but I'm being honest here.
I'm better than the prostitute on the corner. I'm better than the girl or guy that dropped out of school because they thought they couldn't handle it. I could go on, but don't want to get offensive here.
In all honesty, we're all judgmental. We all make judgments, whether good or bad. And we're all hypocrites.
First of all I do not have respect for prostitutes, but it's their lives. Second yes if a person doesn't talk then I find them boring as well. So I go by impressions not judging them right away.. I mean if I find them too strange, then I just don't talk to them.
I generally don't go out of my way to get to know everyone I come across. But even so I try to be nice to people regardless of my lonerisms. And of course I'd be lying if I said I've never judged a person. If I think there could be something worthwhile between us, I try real hard not to let first impressions or hearsay sway my views on them. The question is whether or not I end up succeeding...
Michelle, I think it's Schadenfreude, Jaws screws up the pronunciation. Lol, One of my favorites too.
I don't usually judge a person by meeting them for the first time & thinking I "know' them. But I do admit, a couple weeks ago, we were at the cash register. This woman, who ran it, said that she had left her husband & son. Not even sure how/why we got on the topic. Before that, I hadn't had a view of her one way or another, because my general rule of thumb is that you can't really judge someone having been around them for 3.5 seconds. Anyway though, she said that, & I didn't say anything to her, but since our mother walked out on my sister & I 5 years ago, I unfortunately, immediately thought:
"So what'd you leave him for? A better piece of ass? Did you need to "find yourself" like my mother?"
So I am guilty of that & freely admit to it. But as I said, generally speaking, I don't judge someone in a matter of moments like that. As long as their good to me & treat me nicely when we meet, I don't really have a feeling towards them one way or another because as I said, I don't think seeing a person for a few seconds/minutes is a good way to base your opinions on them. I know people have done that to me before & it hurts.
Like: "Oh, she's disabled, her face looks weird so maybe I won't talk to her."
People have actually confessed that they felt that way, but they had the brains & ability to overcome their first impressions & try to get to know me.
So basically, treat others as you would want them to treat you & hopefully I can work on changing my perceptions of that woman & people like her.
I judge people a little. but I always try to be everyones friend. I believe that most people do not get to know people enough. I like to laugh about sex alot . for my own reasons. I think that most people think this is wrong. Laughter is a way of letting stress out and healing . I think those that have first time judgements should always take a second look. Because you never know when someone might need your friendship.
Normal is a setting on our drier or washer. It is not a state of being as it varies with class and culture.
Simply judging is not wrong. If we like peas better then turnips, that is a judgment. Only after we put negative connotations on someone or something with no reality to back it up then that is a faulty or biased judgment. Now if we say, back to peas and turnips that we hate turnips because our grandma who was an abusive pig made them and all people who like turnips are disgusting losers, then we are making assumptions which can negatively impact our ability to judge. Kind of a silly annalogy but I'm starving.
I feel that most of what I have read here is confusing open mindedness with being judgmental. When I meat someone, I make the choisce to listen to what they have to say and what they are not mentioning. Interacting with others is the most worthwhile thing I do every day. I have a choice to improve or degrade the world around me. I always try to do the former, but believe me, with some folk this is a much easier task then with others.
Back in the bad old days when courtesy was taught and practiced reggularly, we got a chance to see if someone was worthy of respect or the opposite. People were taught to listen and appear to care about others. This made us feel worthy. Now, when I meet someone for the first time, I get awfully tired of asking a virtual stranger how they are and getting a blow by blow account of their cramps, digestive disorders, or fight with the spouse. And I'm supposed to care because? How about when I ask you how you are you just say "thank you fine." wait to let me in on your drama until you see if I'm ready and willing to pay the admission.
Every person on this earth has something to offer and something to teach us. It may not be what they are intending to pass on, but believe me, if we listen, observe, and take time, we learn from every interaction of more then ten seconds.
Frankly, I get awfully tired of the all society sucks and we are going to hell and are doomed doomed doomed maundering I have seen here. Instead of whining and moaning, what are we doing to make it better? Are we listening and supporting others or taking our angst and anger and dumping it on our neighbor or cubicle compadre?
Now, I have to go before you come firebomb my house. Enjoy your day.